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Life and Times of an itinerant slacker in Sacramento. Thrills, Spills Galore coming soon. Not to mention lots of opinions.

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Monday, May 17, 2010

We Live in an An Age of Miracles and Wonders

We really do.

Earlier this month both regular hangininsac readers learned that the age of cyberpunk has arrived.

Now, assisted by and relying on diligent and scrupulous reporting from Australia's Daily Telegraph, I can report to you that. . .

. . . "the Voyager 2 spacecraft may have been hijacked by aliens after sending back data messages NASA scientists can't decode."

I've worked all night, and I think I figured out most of the message.

Mxssagx From Your Lxadxr



Xarthlings, I will soon arrivx from thx Planxt Cxrxs. Hxxd my commandmxnts:

I am zxyxn,prxfxct of the Omxga quadrant and you shall havx no othxr law giving alixns bxforx mx. All humans shall hxrxtoforx sxrvx mx or facx dxath by nuggixs.

Thou shalt not takx my namx in vain. Though shalt takx by mouth, and no morx than four timxs xach day.

Thou shalt not witnxss falsx bxars by my namx, lxst thx bxar bx lxft witlxss. Furhtxr, though shalt always rxmembxr; bxttxr to bxar a grudgx than to grudgx a bxar.

Rxmxmbxr thx absinthx, and drink of it hxartily, for absinthx dost makx thx hxart grow foggixr.

Honor thy mothxr and fathxr, bxcausx I said so, that’s all thx rxason thou nxxdxst. Undxrstand?

Thou art not krill. Thou nxxdst not swim in polar sxas nor fxar whalxs.

Thou shall not commit adultxry, thosx who transgrxss this commandmxnt may bx forcxd to try a duxl, for what good is a commandmxnt without an anagram.

Though shall not Stxphxn Covxy, nor shall thou worship any falsx mxthod of sxlf hxlp. Thou shall not adhxrx to thx sxvxn practicxs of sucknxss.

Rxsistancx is futilx, you will bx assimilatxd.

Remember, you heard it here first.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I think I have too much time on my hands.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

WTF - did California legalize pot?

Steve said...

ometimes I just gotta let loose.

The Newspaper article just brought out the need for a punning alien master. Attempting to write in memory of Aboriginal Sci Fi magazine. The "x"s are too darned easy, thanks to word.

CA kinda sorta legalized pot and kinda sorta didn't through a somewhat legitimate and mostly bogus Medical Marijuana deal.

It's legal if you go to a quack.

It isn't taxed.

The illegal mfg and distribution still flourishes with its strange marriage of organized crime and the crime-and-punishment establishment.

A mess.

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I must enjoy shouting into a vacuum, but I think about getting my act together one of these days. My mom says I am very handsome and intelligent.

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