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Life and Times of an itinerant slacker in Sacramento. Thrills, Spills Galore coming soon. Not to mention lots of opinions.

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Thursday, April 28, 2005

Infiltrated by Homeland Security

Warning to all Hangininsac readers: We have received credible and substantiated information that the State Sponsored Terrorist Organization known as the Department of Homeland Security has infiltrated this sight. The identified operative has been known to use the codename of “Falluja Win Imshallah”. We have detected this threat from our constant surveillance of chatter, otherwise known as comments to this blog and emails I receive. Not to mention an email I sent to a friend who works at Department of Justice, suggesting he view the blog.

Finally, I receive the recognition I so richly deserve.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Even Dorkboys Get The Blues

They are playing an out of place blues record in this very suburban coffee shop. Here's my blues:

When I was a little boy
I played the clarinet
My momma she said
You ain’t cool yet

I liked my math
I sucked at sports
Now I’ve grown up
And I’m a great big dork, that’s
D
O
R
K

I write my blog
Keep both my readers pleased
When I miss a couple days
They’s beggin’ on their Knees
‘Cause I’m a

D
O
R
K

I’m a dork, yes I am
I snort when I laugh
I’m the greatest Dork man
I am the Dork Lord

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

Sitting Around While the Painters Work

The house painters are still at it, looks like they have a few days to go. I ran off to a local coffeehouse to write this, too much banging around the house. Oleg the painter seemed disappointed with the quality of our back doors. He was hoping I’d agree to replace them before he’s done painting. This guy is good, but dang he is picky. He’s already replacing thou outside lamps in front because he thought the ones we have don’t “lyook gyood”. What they’ve done so far looks great. I can’t wait until it’s all done. Then it’ll be time for me to work on trimming back the yard. I really like our house in its new lighter colors. Hopefully that will give us slightly cooler summers.

Product Review – TERK TV3 Amplified TV Antenna

After 4 years using my broken one-eared rabbit ear antenna, I decided it was about time to find a better antenna. Although it had a charming resemblance to Bongo, Matt Groenig’s one-eared bunny, we could not get any VHF stations below Channel 10. This meant we didn’t get NBC and PBS.

I found the TERK TV3 gee-whiz antenna at Circuit City for about $40, which is the same as one month’s cable bill. I was surprised the store clerk quickly knew what I was looking for. I had thought we were the only non-impoverished people in town without cable.

This antenna works wonders! The last two Sunday nights I have watched Nature on PBS for the first time in four years. I can’t believe how many things can get eaten in an hour. It even featured a native Amazon culture’s initiation process, where teenage boys get repeatedly stung by painful stinging ants. Man, nature shows are all I remember them being, and then some.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Friday, April 22, 2005

The "papa-ratzi"

I should correct my previous report about Hanginsac’s condemnation. I incorrectly referred to Benedict the over-10-served as Cardinal Ratzo. I stand corrected. The updated name is Pope Bennie D. Rat. I watched his election and its immediate festivities on TV this week, as the white smoke emerged, and everybody in St Peter’s Square waited and stirred with excitement. I shared with the audience the disappointment of seeing the most obvious and nearly most conservative candidate elected. I am particularly not amused by his previous statements that all those who accuse priests of molestation are part of an anti-Catholic conspiracy. That is the kind of weird-ass thinking I expect from a guy who spent his adolescence wearing a brown shirt and swastika armband. Oh, but not to worry, news reports abound to reassure us that he was only a snotty little Nazi, rather than a snotty and enthusiastic little Nazi.

In any event, I personally don’t expect Bennie to stay around long enough to do very much. To those liberal Catholics, my wife included, who were fantasizing about a new and visionary pope bringing a return of liberation theology, and a role for women in the church beyond handmaidens to the great fathers, I say, “Get real, what were you expecting? Suck it up, or give up and become Episcopal Unitarian Quakers or something.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Readin' & Writin' in Russia

The painters are nearly done, just one side and trim are left for next week. They have replaced a lot of siding in addition to painting. I don’t really recognize the house anymore. I like the new look.

I helped Oleg, our painter, fill in the contract. He apparently can’t read or write English at a functional level. He can’t write Russian, either. He said he only went to school one day of his life, decided he’d rather work after his one day. Life in Soviet Russia must have been different than I have imagined. I always had a mental picture of a more controlled Socialist society, where everyone does the required minimum schooling. Oleg looks about 30, so maybe the Soviet Union had already internally lost control when he was a kid in the 1980s.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Newest Fast Food Craze

PRESS RELEASE: Wendy's International

Moving at light-speed to take advantage of recent publicity, Wendy's International is proud to introduce Chili encrusted Ladyfingers to its menu. Ima Hogg, Wendy's new CEO, said, "from today on, nailbiting will become a respected activity."

Monday, April 18, 2005

Death in the Land of Fruit and Nuts

Dateline Roseville, CA. . .

I attended a funeral service Saturday. The service was, on the whole pretty good. It included a Masonic service as well as a protestant service. The Masonic service did not reveal any ancient secrets, however, the “Great Eye” was mentioned. I presume that is the same Great Eye that appears on the reverse of the dollar bill. Coincidence or Conspiracy? Cool.

The protestant nondenominational minister did a good job, given he had never before met the deceased or his family. However, his beginning of the ceremony almost had me laughing out loud: “I want this to be a meaningful experience for you. So let’s get real, let’s try to really experience this.” Dude, this must be California.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Hanginsac Condemned by Leading Church

Dateline Vatican City. . .

Cardinal Joseph “Ratzo” Ratzinger has broken the traditional silence of the Papal Conclave to announce, that as Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, hangininsac is official condemned as containing teachings not in accordance with church doctrine. Further, the hangin guy is banned from teaching theology.

In a short explanation of his decision, Cardinal Ratzo stated, “First, I have to read crap like this, then I don’t even get elected on the first ballot. How fair is that? If that heretic Galileo had access to the internet, he’d probably have written drivel no better than this. The next thing you know, these internet heretics will spout even more ridiculous heresies. Hell, I bet that hangin guy doesn’t even believe in literal transubstantiation. If I had my way, that guy would be relaxing on the rack as we speak, enjoying a hot oil beverage. You know, they don’t call me the Ayatollah of Rome for nuttin!”

Well, what can I say? First, I am delighted to see that this blog has found reader number 8. Second, I guess I will have to cancel my plans to teach Catholic Theology. And I was just writing my thesis entitled, “Baby Jesus sheds a tear every time a little boy tattles.”

Thet's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Musings for the Day

Factoid of the day: You can teach the quadratic equation formula to the tune of “Pop Goes the Weasel”. Twice through the song and all the students remember it. Hopefully, their teachers won’t be upset when students sing during their exams.

I haven’t heard anything from the junior college, they move at the rate of a depressed snail. I will wait to next week to call them and ask what’s happening. I really need to get off my backside and look for alternatives. I need to get over my trepidation about looking into the actuarial field. Some action on my part wouldn’t be too bad either.

The house painters come tomorrow. I need to make sure the gutter contractor will come at an appropriate time. As long as I can get those guys talking to each other in Russian, everything should work out smoothly. We’ve picked out very dull colors, association grey for the walls and an off white for the trims.

I spent a morning trimming back the plants near the house to clear a wat for the painters. It looks a lot better. I think I’ll continue trimming back the rest of the garden this summer. By the time I get to everything I want to hack, it will be time to revisit the hedges near the house. Every thing grows fast here.

I just got back from the dentist with a new crown. Only one crown and filling to go! However, this crown is glued in with temporary cement, since the tooth was sensitive. It feels pretty good right now, so hopefully the dentist will only need to pry it out and glue it back in. Although my dentist is nice, I am tired of our frequent meetings.

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Day I Went to College

I visited the community college today to drop off my application and make my case to whoever would be willing to listen. I feel pretty good about the day’s activities, and the people I met seemed nice and pleased with me. As a bonus, I got out of my parking place when the parking enforcer was only about six cars from ticketing my car!

I spent a few minutes with the Math Dean, as her position is called. She seemed enthusiastic, and got me in contact with the business dean, who also owns some basic math courses. She definitely looked pleased as we went through my resume, and checked through my college transcript. Apparently they are planning to expand course offerings, in response to the State’s reducing spaces for freshmen at the UC and CSU campuses. This is all good. The University has a new president who wants to strengthen the Math department. The dean has been in her position for only a few months. This is also good.

I spoke with the Chief of Math faculty for about a half hour. We had a good talk about the school’s courses, students, and I why I want to get involved in this work. He also seemed encouraging, but said that “the dean giveth and taketh away, so it’s all up to her”.

The next step would be more interviewing and teaching a class so they can see what I can do. I know I can do well at that. They seem to have been burned in the past by math teachers too shy to speak in front of a class.

Given all this, I consider this short visit a success, especially given there were no listed openings. Now on to plan B, so I need to cold call actuaries and insurance people around here. But first, I need to trim our back garden tomorrow before the painters get here.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Be Fearful

As a special service to my loyal readers (you know who you are) I have added a new attraction! No longer do you need to look elsewhere to find your federally-approved fear level. Thanks to geekandproud.com, your very own hanginsac now features constantly updated Homeland Security alert levels. You can find the up-to-the-minute security alert levels in the right column, just below the links section. Never again let your blog-reading interfere with your fear. Fear is good. Fear nutures and encourages us. Fear is the glorious force that holds the Universe together, and now you can get it right here, at hanginsac.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

We will now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Fear be with you.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Hangininsac Values Your Opinion

Hangininsac was not developed with the intention of providing a one-way flow of stuff from me, the hangin guy to you, the readers. Please feel free to add your comments. Your comments will appear to blog readers who click on the read comments icon, as well as in an email to me. I will even respond to some comments. WHere else can you get a deal like that?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Taking Care of This Place

We had a housepainter and handyman over to see what he can do to get our house’s exterior into shape. We need to repaint, get new gutters and downspouts, and do some roofing work. I want to do it all at once this spring, so it’ll be over and done with for a few years, until it’s time for a major re-roofing job. We haven’t chosen colors, but I think we’ll go with something lighter than the current ranch house red, which is close to Wisconsin barn red.

Our house has become a bit of a mess over the last 5 years. Lots of shake siding needs replacing, and the gutters don’t work.

I am also trying to do some cleanup in the back yard each week this spring and summer. The yard was designed to be an arboreal garden, but has grown to look like a tropical rain forest. I have already trimmed the shrubs in the front. If you turn your back on plants here for two years, you return to a jungle.

I will feel much happier with the house and thinner in the wallet once this is done.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Guess Who's Coming to Lunch

One of our friends, who is an assistant DA focusing on “community prosecution” brought one of her clients long to lunch with us. Her client, a man about age 30, was living on the street and drinking several 40 oz beers daily until about 6 weeks ago. Now with the assistant DA's personal involvement and help, he’s found a place to live and has been sober for 6 weeks. He was pleasant company at lunch, and talked about the best ways to cook chorizo and the permanent job he is setting up with his sister. If I hadn’t been told I wouldn’t have guessed he was drunk and on the streets recently. There is hope. That’s what it looks like.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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I must enjoy shouting into a vacuum, but I think about getting my act together one of these days. My mom says I am very handsome and intelligent.

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