How Many Ways Can You Say "Get The Bastards to pay"?

I attended a continuing education session attended heavily by hospital accountants.

The meeting was sponsored by several vendors, most of whom were pushing programs to help hospitals squeeze the last penny from the clenching fists of those poor slobs who dared get sick without full insurance coverage. To be fair to the venders, the provided Hagen Daaz ice cream bars during the breaks.

I took a moment to look at the accounts recievable's marketing materials to see how many euphanisms they had for getting the poor sickly bastards to pay.

Here goes:

"optomize revenue cycle" - Boring.

"Revenue cycle management" - Perhaps for motorcycle accidents inthe Emergency room?

"Accellerate revenue cycle operations" - take thier last dime before they know what hit them.

"Accounts receivable management"-I give these folks credit for actually admitting what it is they do.

"End - to - end revenue cycle solutions" Let's do the bump!

"Improve your margin, increase your cash flow, achieve your mission" I say WTF?

"Health care account recovery" Sounds like a 12 step program or a Scientology come-on to me. Crap, my theten level is rising. Damn those aliens.

"Revenue critical operations" A sure winner in the buzzword bingo game.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.