Oh, The Pain of the Vain

I looked at a high school yearbook with a couple of students. I was surprised to see that about half of the yearbook is taken up with “senior ads”. I have never seen this phenomenon before. I don’t know if this fad has overtaken the nation or, hopefully, this perversion of vanity is found only here, in the land of fruit and nuts.

Here’s the deal: Graduating seniors’ parents pay for full page ads in the yearbook. The ads usually start with a statement like,”I’ll miss all my friends at Noname HS”. The purpose of that statement appears to be a reminder that the spoiled little darling actually did have friends. Following that, the ads usually include a pretty large glamour photo, with all the zits and braces carefully scanned out. Then comes the best part, a couple of paragraphs about how great this kid was in high school. I don’t think I could design a better exercise in parent-supported teenage narcissism if I tried. The patents love this so much, one of my student’s parents stopped in to show me the ad for her daughter, who is currently getting a D in Math, and makes the average catatonic sociopath look like Dale Carnegie. Discussion of Math grades was not included in the ad. Elliot McMonkey McBean from the Sneetch’s Beaches could’ve developed this marketing scheme.

I think kids in America would do a lot better if their parents didn’t act like they believe every turd their kid makes is solid gold.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.