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Friday, March 14, 2008

The NeoConsumer (Neocon) Strategy Revealed

No one respects the great contribution we Americans make in this world. At least up to now. Thanks goodness, Barbara Ehrenreich is finally willing to speak the truth. Her latest column trumpets our intrepid heroism in providing America’s contribution to the world’s wellbeing.

No one but Barbara appreciates all the work we have done over the last 30 years. Late night and weekends at the malls, every day of every week going the extra mile to assure our fellow humans in sweatshops have somewhere to send the stuff they make. Without our help, they would have run out of room to put the stuff they make years ago.

Our quiet and consistent consumer heroism has gone unheralded until recently, when, out of collective exhaustion, we stopped buying everyone else’s stuff. Let’s see those brilliant Chinese pick up the slack. The problem here is that they would have to start paying workers above slave wages to have enough consumers to buy much. Not allowed in the Workers’ Socialist Paradise.

Let’s see the oil rich Middle East nations pick up the slack. I guess that would require two major cultural changes (1) some wealth would have to be spread beyond the richest 20 people in each country, and (2) how many burkas can one woman wear in a week? Maybe they could start wearing them in colors.

Perhaps we could have our Government purchase all of China’s industrial output, put it all in airplanes every day, and drop the stuff on Iran. I see three distinctive advantages of this NeoConsumer (i. e., neocon) strategy;

(1) We would finally have a post 1970 rationale for having an air force. Seriously, has anyone won a war by leveraging superior air power since Israel did it in 1967? Anyway, portable missile technology sucked in 1967. We need to keep these military folks busy so they don’t kill thousands of people, which is not a proven way to make friends.
(2) If some of the stuff we drop doesn’t break on impact, we can probably get some economists to theorize how this glut of consumer goods will sink the Iranian economy. That ain’t the sound of big screen TVs bouncing off your roof, that’s the sound of freedom on the march.
(3) We could saturation bomb President Ahmadinejad’s house with Paris Hilton CDs. Why not?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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