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Life and Times of an itinerant slacker in Sacramento. Thrills, Spills Galore coming soon. Not to mention lots of opinions.

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Flying Possums Everywhere!

Here’s an excerpt from a very rarely read portion of The Book of Exodus.

And God didst sayeth to Pharaoh, the plague of Frogs hath doth serveth onlyeth to hardeneth thine heart.

Pharaoh didst retort in a mosteth glibbeth manner, I heareth speech in the tongueth of the great pharaoh James from the cold foggy isles, whose language will existeth not for millennia.

God didst sayeth in response, behold another miracle. Shaketh thou like a leaf and speweth thine guts in the presenth my power.

Upeth yours,said Pharoah.

In his anger and haste God broughteth upon the Nation of Egypt Plague 9(b), flying possums. The Egyptians found the flying possums to be delicious when roasted upon a stick, and werest not impressed in the least. Pharoah assembled his nation and in their witness, didst say that God waseth a big wuss, his plagues werest cowardly and he asketh God to bringeth them on.

You’ve heard the rest.

Why this sudden obsession with flying possums?, you may ask.

I fear that flying possums have been visited upon our nation, or at least my back yard. Yesterday contractors from the Electric Company came to trim our redwoods below the power lines. In true Semper Verens style, the redwoods grow about 5 feet every year.

While I was out chatting with the foreman, One of the guys up in the trees yelled cuidado debaillo (phonetic for look out below. Note I can’t spell in Spanish, deal with it). Jumping back, I expected to dodge a large branch , however, we were treated to the sight of a flying possum accelerating in our general direction. Sometimes I wish I was one of those freaks who videos their whole life. It was a sight. The possum landed about 15 feet from the tree and 5 feet from us, stopped for about 30 seconds, looked around and shuffled away. I think old pogo was having a bad day.

The lesson I learned is that possums are funnier than rats. One of our lovely rats flying towards me would not have struck me as funny. I am a non repentant specist.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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I must enjoy shouting into a vacuum, but I think about getting my act together one of these days. My mom says I am very handsome and intelligent.

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