‘Bladerunner’, A Typical 'Dickless' Sci Fi Film

After over 25 years, I guess I had waited long enough to see this film.I got a disk including both the studio cut (super happy ending included) and the director’s cut without voiceover or happy ending. I liked the voiceovers, but I might call the added happy ending moronic, however I do not wish to insult morons. Perhaps Ridley Scott was locked out of the studio when the suits added the mega happy ending. I am too lazy to watch the extras on the DVD to find out for sure.

I give the movie 2 ½ stars. It’s worth watching if you like detective films set in a dystopic near future. The chase and kill the bad guys story arc is fun, and the visuals are cool. Vangeles’s score is a winner. The IMDB reviews are steller, perhaps that’s because Science Fiction film fans haven’t read enough of the best written Science Fiction to tell doodoo from shinola.

Phillip K Dick’s Brilliant novel, ‘Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?’ created a very strange and disturbing near future dystopia, where most of the earth’s population of humans and animals have been destroyed, and only humans deemed unfit for colonization on other planets are left behind, living in nearly empty cities. Earth's inahbitants are slowly being poisoned. The folks left on earth are faced with some interesting dilemmas, overlaid with a pervasive sense of sadness and loneliness.

Earth residents’ most prized possessions are the few animals left surviving, however, all but the wealthiest keep replicant animals.The protagonist in the novel yearns to own an electric sheep. Replicant animals are a major industry. There are very few living animals to see.

Worshippers of the popular religion attach themselves to devices that allow them to share the pain and injuries of their profit, as he eternally climbs a hill only to be stoned and thrown down.

The novel dealt with some serious existential questions, as it becomes apparent that an individual cannot be sure whether he is a human being or a replicant.

'Bladerunner' however, didn’t deal with any of these questions, except in a few short moments of sophomoric dialogue. It was all about chasing the bad guys.

Even with these shortcomings, I can’t fairly expect a movie to be as good as one of the best Science Fiction novels ever written. I was not transported to 'Milton Lumky Territory' or anywhere, for that matter.

I give this film 2 ½ stars, although it didn’t do dick for me.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

First Depressant Drug Released

Despondex!

Finally, there is relief for the annoyingly cheerful!

No longer will we have to put up with excessive hugging or squealing when friend calls on the phone.

Mr Coffee in the 21st Century

After well over 10 years, I decided it was finally time to replace our old Mr Coffee.

While I was setting up the new and redesigned Mr Coffee, I had both designs right next to each other. The comparison was surprising, and it somehow reinvigorated my faith in the future of humankind.

First have a look at the old Mr Coffee:








Nothing exciting going on here, until I let my eyes go out of focus.




















Here's what I saw when I focused through the heart.







Next,I took a long look at Mr Coffee, The Second Generation:
































Somehow, the parallel was blatantly apparent.

Star Trek has become a dominant a paradigm in industrial design.




Perhaps the Revenge of the Nerds is finally complete. Well at least in the most important arena of counter top appliance design.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it, just as soon as I'm done washing my pocket protector.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

Double Vision's gotta hold of me.

Just like Foreigner, that 70's rock nightmare has found me again.

'Ooh, double vision, I need my double vision
It takes me out of my head, takin me out of my head
I get my double vision, oh, seeing double double
Oh, I have double vision, yeah, Im getting double vision...'

I started seeing double on Friday. I went to an optometrist first, who kindly adjusted my glasses, and then told me the glasses weren't the problem, and that I absolutely had to see a doctor right away. Nice.

The doctor sent me to the ER, fortunately I got in and out by about 8:00 PM, so I missed the ER weekend night pandemonium. That's a quick $4,000 or $5,000 down the drain. Had a CAT scan, seemed to prove for once and for all that I do have a brain,and no visible damage from stroke,no deadly brain tumors,no old guys gathering wool in there. Blood tests ruled out all the scary causes of this embarrassing and inconvenient business.

This deal (sixth cranial nerve palsy)normally sorts itself out within a couple or three months. Right now,I am trying to figure out how to function. I see pretty well most of the time, but I can't read with both eyes open. When I drive, I just close the affected eye when things get weird. I'm using a rather jaunty Long John Silver style eye patch for reading, which I can't do with both eyes open. My students should get a real kick out of that next week. This is really stupid.

I was actually relieved, since a couple of years ago, my band's alto sax player showed up at Kaiser's Ophthalmologist with similar symptoms, was sent to the ER for tests that showed a brain tumor,and he died a couple of months later. For once, I am not the complicated patient.

I'll see an ophthalmologist as soon as I can,following the ER doctor's directions. Then it'll be wait for the weak eye to get back to work.

This is like having the worst part of being drunk (OK,maybe the worst besides puking) with none of the fun.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Cats at the Gates

We are thinking about getting two cats. I have been working on names,and one of my favorites (of course, only if the names fit) is Dante and Virgil.

It looks like someone else had a similar idea, I think it works pretty well.


more animals

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Truth About Zombies!

Finally, thanks to hackers in Illinois and Texas, the truth about the zombie invasion has been revealed.







The Evile Corporate Guardians of the Dominant Cultural Paradigm is doing its best to lull the sheeple back into their dream by telling the gullible that this prophetic warning is simply a prank.

Don't drink the coolaid!

Oil your chainsaws!

Hold your brain-pulverizing shovel at the ready!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

It’s All Happening at the River

Since the weather was so nice today, I took a walk in the Effie Yeaw Nature Center’s land by the American River. I was surprised to see that much of the action in Sacramento these days is happening by the river.

First, I ran into our esteemed legislature, wandering around aimlessly for a change.



Who did I find wandering around in his own world? You guessed it, I ran into the Governator himself.



Ignoring the political happenings, I ran into this aw shucks darling display of deer just being deer.



As a special bonus for readers in colder climates, I stumbled across an early sign of spring. These wild daffodils smelled as good as they looked.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Geography Can Be Fun, Really

Alright, people, no snickering.

Yes,

The New York Times provided this great map.

Thanks to the British and their remarkable skills at coming up with ridiculous names for small villages,geography has become fun again.

Back in the olden days, when I was working in Britain, our local rambling club had its annual Christmas hike and lunch at an inn in standing just behind this quaint village sign, I kid you not.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Words to Live By

The Guardian has provided today's words to live by in its article covering today's general strike in France. The strike is protesting of the Government's failure to do anything about rising unemployment.

Today's words to live by. . .

'The latest unemployment figures could not be released today because statisticians are on strike.'

I don't know why, but that made me smile deep, deep inside.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Traveling for work

The Onion featured a story that,from my previous experience,captures the essence of business travel.

'DES MOINES, IA—While en route to visit her cousin in South Bend, local divorcee Janet Linden, 37, told reporters Monday that her initial self-consciousness at drinking a beer by herself at Dugan's Sports Bar in the Des Moines International Airport was somewhat mitigated after she saw a woman approximately her age doing the same. "I guess it's not that bad," Linden said as she straightened herself up in her bar stool and brushed some cat hair off her skirt. "What's wrong with a single, independent woman having a cold beer while she's waiting for her flight? It's perfectly normal. Just ask that lady over there." Linden considered approaching the other woman to chat before realizing she had been looking at a mirror at the other end of the darkened bar.'

I remember once running into I guy from college at the Minneapolis airport,both of us in suits from client meetings and exhausted at the end of our traveling weeks. We had a drink together and entertained ourselves by pointing out other folks in the airport who looked as washed out as we did. There was no shortage.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A Musical Personality Disorder

In my amateur music career, I have encountered some repeated instances of an annoying personality disorder that I have defined as NAMBES, Novelty Amateur Musician Blowhard Expressive Disorder. The severity of this order varies among individuals, with the more mild cases being only annoying, and the severe cases approaching comprehensive dysfunction.

The most remarkable observable symptom of NAMBES is the compulsion to share one’s belief that one possesses unique and excellent knowledge of music and musicianship through talking about music, while demonstrating mediocre musical abilities at best.

NAMBES is most commonly found in practitioners the more obscure musical genres and instruments (novel musical applications). The afflicted individual needs to specialize in a field of music that is rarely performed or taught in schools, such as renaissance music. The self delusion of excellence necessary to fuel this disorder is difficult to maintain if one plays a more common instrument, such as piano, guitar or any of the normal band and orchestra instruments. In the case of a more common instrument, the presence several of truly superior musicians in the community (possibly in the house next door) makes maintaining the delusion of one’s superior skills very difficult. Therefore, you can observe this syndrome readily in early music organizations.

The most remarkable observable symptoms are seen in communications. The typical case will not be able to resist vocally enumerating the irrational basis of his excellent musicianship, such as fabricated personal relationship with noted musicians (sorry, no pun intended). The individual will normally exhibit musical skills at a level near or below the average skill levels reference group in which he participates, or claims to have participated in. The individual will be unable to critically evaluate his playing, while freely providing unsolicited advice and criticism of other’s playing. The individual will normally exhibit a level of listening skills insufficient for successful social interaction. The individual is normally shunned by other members of community music groups.

In the most severe cases, the individual will describe to others a personal history that can not be verified, and appears to be fabricated at best. As other members of musical groups react negatively to the individual, he may fabricate even more fantastic fabrications, which reveal inconsistencies that are obvious to the listener.

If you want to meet several of these individuals, I suggest you become president of a local early music society.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Saint Vincent Lombardi Performs another Miracle!

In the wake of yesterdays airplane crash in New York, I couldn’t believe everyone survived. Turns out a higher power, none other than Saint Vincent Lombardi, soon to become the patron saint of cheese and whining nasal accents, intervened in a Time of Great Need.

I quote from the New York Times:

The lead officials in Thursday’s rescue spoke about the coordinated efforts amid the brisk current and freezing temperatures that enabled every passenger and crew member to reach the shore safely.

‘I was worried if we didn’t get them out right away,’ said New York Waterway captain Vincent Lombardi, first on the scene, ‘there would have been casualties.’

What more evidence of miracles do we need for sainthood? That’s right Pope Benny, I am talking to you. If you can make Pope Pius the Nazi Collaborator a saint for his miracle of silence and collaboration during the genocide of millions (while you were parading around in your brown shirt, I might add), canonizing Vince Lombardi is the least you could do.

Ave Saint Vincent Lombardi of the Green Bay!




Seven weeks indulgence is granted for reading this post while standing on your head, because I say so.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

On A Mission, Mission San Francisco Sonoma, That Is

We visited Mission San Francisco Solano on Monday, on K’s furlough day. K now has one mandatory furlough day per month, along with all management employees at the City. We decided to use each furlough day to do something fun and different. K chose her day well, the weather was unseasonably beautiful. We had sunny skies and high temperatures in the 70’s.

The Mission is located adjacent to the town square in Sonoma, which is a beautiful small city surrounded by vineyards and gentle green hills. The mission looked exactly how I would expect a mission to look.




This mission’s history is tied to General Vallejo, who was a pretty interesting guy. He managed to prosper under Spanish, Mexican, and American rule. No small task. This is the only mission built by the Mexico, and it is the last mission built in California. Mexico wanted a mission further inland than San Francisco, whose damp weather had caused health problems, and they wanted a military presence closer to the Russian outpost at Fort Ross. In 1834, the mission was secularized and General Vallejo was given command. The original Franciscans had more or less given up on the mission after a revolt of the much abused neophytes (Christianized natives) in 1826. It’s amazing they didn’t revolt in all the missions, given the inhumane treatment they received. However, it is interesting that the clay roofs we associate with mission architecture were developed in response to the need for roofs that could withstand flaming arrows.

One of the barracks rooms was been restored. What seemed strange to me was the short length of the sabers. Perhaps the troops didn’t anticipate using them on horseback. I liked seeing the classic Zorro felt hat on the shelf.



These barracks have their own historical relevance. Their soldiers ignited the Bear Flag Rebellion , and revolted in the mission’s plaza. Supposedly, the flag was crafted in the room you see here.

The original flag was lost in a fire following the San Francisco Earthquake, but some folks made a detailed copy in 1905. That flag is displayed at the mission.



The mission’s church was decorated in the early 20th century, and it is a good example awesomely strange interiors you can see in Mexican churches all over California.





This mission is run as the State Park, and it has a great museum. It’s worth a visit.

General Vallejo’s house is a ten minute walk from the mission, across beautiful trails. Central Sonoma is gorgeous. The house itself is a Victorian, filled with knickknacks built by a man who was above all a modern man of his age.




That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Prince Harry - Racist Sloganeer or Military Banterer?

Britain has its collective knickers once more in a twist about the off-color remarks of their young Prince Harry.

This time, he was caught calling a fellow soldier a Paki, which in British slang is an uncomplementary ethnic slur used against British of Pakistani origin. The Guardian's take on this provides good reading,including interviews with some British military personel about the usage of offensive banter.

This short excerpt from an interview with a senior NCO was too much fun to keep to myself.

'I might call somebody a bent bastard and the guy might be a homosexual but I don't mean it like that. It depends how it is said. If I went up to him and jabbed him in the chest and said "you are a fucking bent bastard" then it would be using the term badly, but if I want to go up to someone and say "come on you bent bastard, get a move on" then that's quite a different thing. . . The guy that Harry called a Paki wasn't crying or moaning about it. You don't know if he gave him much stick back and called him a posh ginger twat.'

I can't help love an enilisted man who speaks to defend the Prince by calling him a 'posh ginger twat'. A satirical genius is at work in the British Army!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Oh, Those Wild and Crazy British

A friend just emailed me a link to an unbelievable British farce. This is definitely worth reading.

Obsession, deception,comic relief,it's all there, in real life,

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Six Digits,We Have Six Digits!

After a short drive to practice with my Friday consort, the deed is done. Finally,I can truly feel secure in my membership in the Junky Car Club.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

On The Edge of Greatness

I am a mere three miles from attaining a goal I have only dreamed of all my life. Yep,I'm gonna git 100,000 miles outta our a 1996 Honda Civic. I have been driving that car for the last seven years. Stay tuned to see what it looks like with the big 1 on the left!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A Culture War I can Believe In

Tom Hodgekinson, Britain's idler,has declared war on the Dominant paradigm. The first battle is the Do Less Campaign. I quote from The Idler:

'The way to thrive in 2009 is simply to join the Idler’s Do Less Campaign. It’s simple: you just do less. That means less shopping, less driving, less holidaying, less working, less spending. And more sitting around at home, more reading, chatting and drinking. Doing less is cheap and easy and it’s kind to the environment. The era which privileged the busy high achiever is coming to an end. That system has been found wanting, and there is a new world out there, a world of more fun, more freedom, more time for reflection and contemplation, community and cooking, making and mending. John Calvin - you have so much to answer for.'

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

New Years This Time Around, Fireworks, Finances and Forests

Fireworks

Welcome to 2009, the year that promises not to be 2008. That’s good enough for me. At the very least, we’ll see a president who won’t make me feel ashamed in front of foreign visitors. I fear history will sum up our nation’s last eight years with the image of a flying shoe.

We celebrated New Years at our neighbor’s place with a couple of mutual friends. We ate some party sandwich type hors d’oeuvres, drank a few too many Champaign cocktails, and, in the local tradition brought from the southeast, did fireworks. The fireworks you can buy here sit on the ground and shoot out sparks and whistle. We placed them on a ladder, since looking down at fireworks just doesn’t feel right. Anyway, here’s what you missed.





Our neighbor is a pyromaniac, so she always buys a ton of fireworks in June, in the couple of weeks when youth organizations are allowed to sell fireworks in parking lots (obviously, what could make more sense in a state that doesn’t see rain between May and November). I will never understand California laws. Never. I digress.

When one of the biggest fireworks (these big things cost $30 or more each) failed to ignite after the fuse burned down and fizzled, that wasn’t going to stop the show. Why not rip open the top, stick in the lighter, and light something in there that looks like a fuse?



Finances

We did our annual year end accounting of financial assets. Thanks to the magic of the internets, you can actually get that done on the morning of New Years day. We saw only a modest (at least relative to current conditions) percentage decrease in assets. This is one of those times when having only slightly more risk tolerance than Casper Milquetoast and the positive outlook of a hair shirt wearing millenialist pays off. Who knows what next year will bring?

Forests

After lunch today, we went for a walk in the Effie Yeaw Nature Center, which is a cool little riverside forest a couple of miles from our place. The nature center is part of Ancil Hoffman Park, whose history is associated with Max Bear Sr. in this somewhat convoluted way. In addition to being an elected county supervisor, Hoffman was Max Baer’s manager. Go Figure. Apparently the relationship was very good for Baer, Hoffman, boxing and the local community. I took the opportunity to use the new camera to annoy the local fauna.



Now I need to work on taking more flattering pictures of humans.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Surviving the Holidays Part I

We have survived Xmas, Hanukah and the onslaught of the inlaws (I get inlaws and inlaws’ inlaws). K’s brother visited for all of last week, along with his wife and son. They stayed with the DMIL. However, since Big brudder inlaw’s wife’s family all live in town, they were treated to that joy of balancing their time and presence between the two families. They looked pretty tired by the time they left on Sunday. We were able to ease some of that strain by having both tribes at DMIL’s house a three evenings. We had everyone together the night they arrived and for dinner on Xmas ( more about that later). We also had everyone over for the feast of Saint Glutton.

Never heard of the feast of St. Glutton? Neither did I, but it seems to occur the evening of December 24. Here’s how it works. One of the brudder in law’s most endearing qualities is his generosity, which he loves to express through food (and I mean generous food). He and his son went grocery shopping and prepared a dinner at home. Dad made lamb chops on the grill (and I helped), while son cooked a sauce made of cream, wine and a few fine cheeses, which they served over that posh type of ravioli you can buy at whole foods. We cooked about three chops per person and according to the labels, the ravioli should have covered about 1 ½ main courses each. We are all still working on the leftovers. By the way, I found the unintentional symbolism of lamb on Xmas eve to be moderately amusing. At least we didn’t have baby vegetables.

We (just the inlaws and I, not the inlaws’ inlaws) opened gifts later on Xmas eve. That’s convenient, since it gives us something to do while K and I wait until it’s late enough for K to leave for midnight mass. I went to midnight mass once. The music was nice, but otherwise it was the same show you can get at a much more convenient time on Sunday.

Santa, in the disguise of DMIL, gave me a digital camera. Sweet! You can expect a more self-involved blog from now on.

On to Xmas day. Most of the day was spent fretting and setting up a big dinner at DMIL’s house. We had about twelve or fourteen for dinner. Brudder inlaw likes to make prime rib for these occasions, so DMIL ordered a roast from a local butcher. She asked for the largest prime rib they could get, which was probably a mistake. We cooked a 23 pound roast for twelve people, including two women over 85 years old, and a gustatory wimp (me). Lots more leftovers there. Here’s a picture of the charred behemoth. It came out perfectly, like always. At this moment, I am making soup from the seven ribs that cradled the roast.




One of the inlaws’ inlaws gave us the highlight of the evening, when he played a couple of songs on his guitar. This guy is a senior in High School and a pretty nice kid. He is also great at music. He does well in math class, so he’s OK in my book.


Last Friday night, we had some of the visiting folks’ friends at DMIL’s place. More leftovers. Looks like our meat based diet will last at least into the new year.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Happy Hannukah!

Shoe Your Love for for George

I just watched the official White House Holiday Video. If this is the best these clowns can do with new technology, no wonder the evil overlord and his minions couldn't win an election. This sucks like no video has sucked before. What disturbs me the most, is that after watching it twice, it seems apparent to me that that the video's authors (and no doubt their masters) have not had an original thought in the last 40 years. Let's face it, Bob Hope might have produced the same video in 1965, however his would've tickled us with his unique warm and gentle style of humor. Neither warmth nor humor can escape the from black hole that is the Bush White House. This video, according to the Geneva Conventions (remember that quaint little old document?) is classified as torture.



I just received a quick comment from Hangininsac's learned correspondent,Dr Samuel Johnson; Apparently, patriotism is the second to last refuge of cowards. I am humbly corrected to see that pets are the final refuge, who could have known?

Well, after watching the video twice for my review, I just can't seem to keep my shoes on.

If you also have that feeling, I suggest you play the Sock and Awe game. I scored 10 hits, and I wasn't even beaten by security guards! Awesome!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Guess Who's Joined the Xmas Resistance Movement?

Me! On Reality TV!!!!!

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Reality TV

I would appear in a reality show targeted at finding America's greatest slacker. Although "greatest slacker" is an oxymoron, and the show would have abysmal ratings, I think that's the only category where I would have a chance of winning.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

We are Here to Praise the Dead

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Influence

My advisor in grad school had a great influence on my life, although I didn't see that until his funeral when I was about 47 years old.

From his influence I gained an ethical approach to business that has been invaluable.

Although it was not apparent to me, I believe his interest in early music has helped lead me to a great hobby career as a recorder player and recorder society president.

The British Lapland Controversy Endures

You may recall the breaking report from Britain's lapland previously,which first you read about here.

From a quick review of letters to The Sun,it looks like the controversy isn't slowing down.

Eliko,from town unspecified in the UK said,

'It's about time somebody punched that 'Old Goat' on the chin, I have waited patiently for years (since I was eight years old) and he suddenly stopped coming down MY chimney.

NOW, he expects us to pay him to go and see him, what's up with him ?, if he doesn't want to give us presents he should say so.

DJK from Australia brings upan interesting point about trademarks, 'Santa needs trademark protection. Imagine if they tried to open up Nike World instead ?"

Far as I'm concerned, he can stuff 'em !.'

In reference to the folks who slugged Santa, Ooomorgan from Wales said,'Someone's mummy and daddy are on the naughty list this year."

I found the best jounalistic follow up in The London Times. I quote directly;

Visitors who had paid up to £30 each for tickets to a 'Christmas Wonderland' in the New Forest were turned away yesterday by a woman shrieking: 'Santa's dead.'

Yep,Santa's dead. And remember, you heard it first in Uncle Rupert's rag.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Never Fear, the Guvmint’s Here

As we all await some new Federal action to modify more troubled mortgages, let’s look at the mortgages that have already been modified. The Comptroller of the currency has already taken that look for us, and it lookses nasty, precious. About one half of the modified loans are going bad by 6months. It hurts us,precious,ti hurts us!

Here’s the comptroller’s spin:

‘Comptroller Dugan Highlights Re-default Rates on Modified Loans
WASHINGTON — Comptroller of the Currency John C. Dugan said today that new data shows that more than half of loans modified in the first quarter of 2008 fell delinquent within six months.
“After three months, nearly 36 percent of the borrowers had re-defaulted by being more than 30 days past due. After six months, the rate was nearly 53 percent, and after eight months, 58 percent,” the Comptroller said in remarks at the Office of Thrift Supervision’s National Housing Forum today.
Mr. Dugan spoke during a panel discussion with OTS Director John Reich, Federal Reserve Board Vice Chairman Donald Kohn, FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair, and Federal Housing Finance Agency Director James Lockhart.
A key question, Mr. Dugan said, is why is the number of re-defaults so high? Is it because the modifications did not reduce monthly payments enough to be truly affordable to the borrowers? Is it because consumers replaced lower mortgage payments with increased credit card debt? Is it because the mortgages were so badly underwritten that the borrowers simply could not afford them, even with reduced monthly payments? Or is it a combination of these and other factors? ‘
Since even the Comptroller claims to not understand what this means, I can admit with a clear conscience that I am flummoxed, too. However, it could be that the modified loans are underwritten equally as well as the original loans? Tricksy banksers!

The Comptrol dude issued this cool graph. I imagine if googles searches ‘graphic sucking’ this is what they might see.You can click on the image to make it big enough to read.



That's my story and I'm sticking ot it.

For John Milton’s 400th Birthday

Four hundred years before this day, twelve nine,
A man was born to write of heav’n and hell.
John Milton, Poet of Puritan revolt,
Invented Satan’s fall from Grace to Hell.

A protestant whose myth survived the years,
A story told by nuns of Irish birth .
The Cath’lic view of Heav’n and Hell derived
From myth that hints at ills of Popes and Kings.

John Milton was born December 9,1608, thus spake Wikipedia.
Remember folks, you read it here first.


I don’t understand what happened to the parades and fireworks I was expecting. It must be the economy.


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Single Mothers of Infants, Get to Work, Dammit!

The Guardian reports the UK's Work and Pension Secretary is demanding that parents on the dole must be prepared to work or face dole reductions. The kicker is that the proposal would apply to single parents with children as young as one.

The Idler points out a poignant comparison (Thanks to Tom Hodgekinson):

The UK's DWP official said:

'Sanctions would only apply to those who refuse to take steps to be job-ready that have been jointly agreed with their personal advisers in Job Centres.'

In a classic example of the originality of British Civil servants,we can see from whose larger government regulation the DWP has copied work:

The problem?

'Work-shy elements within the meaning of this order are men who are old enough to work and who have recently been certified fit and who can be proved to have rejected offers of work on two occasions without just cause or have accepted work only to abandon it again shortly afterwards without adequate reason.'

The solution?

'All protective custody prisoners will be sent to concentration camp Buchenwald near Weimar.'

The date of this announcement? 1938. The author? Heinrich Himmler.

The moral of the story?

Watch out, people. It’s during times of economic collapse that bits of authoritarian legislation tend to get sneaked through.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

British Public Attacks Santa

HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I take this quotation straight from the BBC:

'Santa got attacked, one of the elves got smacked in the face and pushed into a pram.'

This is actually one small installment of the saga of a fly by night theme park that is so bad even the British noticed. Check out the nativity scene.

The Sun, surely the paragon of British Journalism (and pretty girls with bigguns) Exclaims, 'It's Slapland!'

Might this be the start breakthrough the Christmas Rovolution Movement has been awaiting? Only time will tell. Until then,I say bah Humbug!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Our Month of Music

December is the month of music in our house. Between Kathleen and me, we have at least five concerts I can think of, and probably some more I am forgetting about.

The Sacramento Concert Band is playing tonight at Christ Community Church tonight at 7:00. The first half of our concert will be normal music, followed by a short intermission and the obligatory set of Holiday music (really just Xmas and Hanukah). The church is willing to lend us their facilities in return for our requesting food drive donations. As the band’s stage manager, I am very grateful to the church. This is a giant church with great facilities and unbelievable organization that makes my job a lot easier. They have even promoted our concert to their gigantic membership. Without that kind of help, we would likely end up with an audience smaller than the band.

Hopefully we’ll be able to project the animated segment from Allegro Non Troppo for Sibelus’s Valse Triste. This is a very sad and beautiful work of art, and, a rather strong yet subtile anti-war statement. This is good enough that I’ve embedded the youtube video here.



No guarantees that we will be able to show the video, since in addition to the projecting the visuals, we’ll need to set up the click track for our conductor. The church people are pretty confident that we’ll be able to pull this off.

We will repeat the same concert, without the video on Monday, December 8 at the Winterstien Adult Education Center.

This Saturday, December 6, Sine Nomine, my recorder consort, will play between 12:00 and 1:00 PM at the Grand Opening of the New Public Library in Elk Grove. Elk Grove has needed this library for years, and I am happy to be a part of this. I will try to remember to bring a camera and take some pictures. I might even write an article for the American Recorder Society magazine! I’ll be sure to post the article here. Since almost all our music comes from the 14th through 18th centuries, it sounds like Xmas music to our audience. We actually aren’t playing any uniquely holiday pieces.

K’s choir, Schola Cantorum, will give concerts on December 20 and 21 at Sacred Heart Church, and they’ll provide their traditional music before and during Sacred Heart’s Midnight Mass. I usually skip the Midnight Mass, since it runs pretty late.

How much fun can two mediocre musicians have in one month?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Furthxr Dirxction From Zxyxn, our Alixn Lxadxr.

Xrthlings! Obxy Thxsx Ordxrs or I will crush your prxcious xconomy.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I'm Praying to the Aliens

I have been recieving mysterious messages. Yet another alien that those darned Homeland Security cops must've let through.



Mxssagx From Your Lxadxr

Xarthlings, I havx arrivxd from thx Planxt Cxrxs. Hxxd my commandmxnts:

I am zxyxn,prxfxct of the Omxga quadrant and you shall havx no othxr law giving alixns bxforx mx. All humans shall hxrxtoforx sxrvx mx or facx nuggixs.

Thou shalt not takx my namx in vain. Though shalt takx by mouth, and no morx than four timxs xach day.

Thou shalt not witnxss falsx bxars by my namx, lxst thx bxar bx lxft witlxss.

Rxmxmbxr thx absinthx, and drink of it hxartily, for absinthx dost makx thx hxart grow foggixr.

Honor thy mothxr and fathxr, bxcausx I said so, that’s all thx rxason thou nxxdxst. Undxrstand?

Thou art not krill. Thou nxxdst not swim in polar sxas nor fxar whalxs.

Thou shall not commit adultxry, thosx who transgrxss this commandmxnt may bx forcxd to try a duxl, for what good is a commandmxnt without an anagram.

Though shall not Stxphxn Covxy, nor shall thou worship any falsx mxthod of sxlf hxlp. Thou shall not adhxrx to thx sxvxn practicxs of sucknxss.

Rxsistancx is futilx, you will bx assimilatxd.

OUCH!

This is both sad and funny.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Latest Financial News

WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders in Congress sidetracked legislation to bail out the auto industry Thursday and demanded the Big Three develop a plan assuring the money would make them economically viable.

Ummmmmmm,errrrrrr,AIG's business plan,please?

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The End of the World as We Know It

I feel fine.


more music charts

Hey Moron Church, thanks for saving the world.

Latest Financial News From the Intertubes to You

Remember,you heard it here first.

Subject: *SOMALI PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP

*SOMALI PIRATES APPLY TO BECOME BANK TO ACCESS TARP
*PAULSON: TARP PIRATE EQUITY IS AN `INVESTMENT,’ WILL PAY OFF
*KASHKARI SAYS `SOMALI PIRATES ARE ‘FUNDAMENTALLY SOUND’ ‘
*Moody’s upgrade Somali Pirates to AAA
*HUD SAYS SOMALI DHOW FORECLOSURE PROGRAM HAD `VERY LOW’
PARTICIPATION
*SOMALI PIRATES IN DISCUSSION TO ACQUIRE CITIBANK
*FED OFFICIALS: AGGRESSIVE EASING WOULD CUT SOMALI PIRATE RISK
*FED
AGREED OCT. 29 TO TAKE `WHATEVER STEPS’ NEEDED FOR SOMALI
PIRATES

The Hangininsac index has increased SomaliPirates rating to extreme buy. And imagine, just a short twenty years ago,these guys were into a subsistance fishing gig. Corporate funded fishing fleets fished their local waters into extinction, and they found an alternative livelyhood in piracy, where they could leverage their superior knowledge of the local seas.

This is in no way intended to present an object lesson in environmental stewardship.

BTW,we are seeing "Pirates of Penzance" at the local opera Sunday. Talk about timing!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Giraffes!

This came from Saturday Night Live earlier this year. I laughed so hard I almost hurled.



Coming to a planet near you. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Mr. Feynman Surely Must Have Been Joking

Who can't love a Nobel Physicist who wrote an autobiography called, 'Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman!'

I’ve been reading a rather dry biography of Feynman, which I don’t recommend, but that has lead me to look up some of Feynman’s gems. Although he died 20 years ago, his insights still seem relevant. Besides, who can’t love a bongo playing Nobel Prizewinning physicist.

When asked to explain the work that won his Nobel Prize, he told People Magazine, ‘If I could explain it to the average person, I wouldn't have been worth the Nobel Prize’.

On his deeply held Cold War fears of nuclear annihilation. ‘I would see people building a bridge, or they'd be making a new road, and I thought, they're crazy, they just don't understand, they don't understand. Why are they making new things? It's so useless.’

Feynman was the only person to directly view the Trinity test near Los Alamos. He refused to wear protective goggles, he simply sat in a truck and looked through the windshield, because he is a complete nut.

On the proper place of economics in the universe; ‘There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.’

From his press conference as part of the NASA Commission studying the first Space Shuttle failure; ‘For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.’ I remember this press conference on TV. Feynman brought in a model of the now recognized O-ring, soaked it in a glass of ice water, and showed the world that the insulating material fails at near-freezing temperatures.

On intellectual honesty; ‘The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool.’

On the value of experimentation; ‘It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are. If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong.’ Feynman would be up in arms if he had lived to see String Theory, which has no experimental evidence in its support, bring physics to a state of irrelevance.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Post Election Blessings for Your Friday

Barack atah Illinois Elohenu melech ha'olam, hoo-ray p'ri ha-electoral
landslide.

You can see that this was foretold: The original versions

the Blessing for wine:

Hebrew
Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha-olam
Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe

(if using wine or grape juice)

Hebrew
borei p'ri hagafen (Amein)
Who creates the fruit of the vine (Amen)

Back to Old Style Humor?

I found a bunch of jokes on The Simple Living Network's discussion Forums.

Heeeeeeere we Go!

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station......
And that is when the fight started....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her The beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started....

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security . The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.. So I opened my shirt revealing my cur ly silver hair. She said, That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application . When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.
And that's when the fight started.....

My husband and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. My husband asked, 'Do you know him?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my husband, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's when the fight started.........


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started.

What amazed me is that although these jokes sound like they com from the 1950s,from a Henny Youngman type of comic, I thought they were mildly funny. Oy Vey!

I don't know where these jokes started, but if I've seen them, they have probably been all over the intertubes by now. Old jokes don't die, they don't even fade away, deal with it.

That's mys story and I'm sticking to it.

My South Park Cameo

Now everyone knows what I did last Tuesday. South park has jumped on the Reality TV bandwagon. They filmed the first reality segment at my house about 9:00 last Tuesday night.
Through the miracle of modern technology,I was digitally morphed into Mr Marsh and K appeared in the guise of Mr. Brataslowski. Our identities were protected. It's embarassing to watch, but it is a comlpetely accurate representation of actual events.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Last Week in Two Minutes

I liked something about this video.




Enjoy.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA! For Real This Time

So, who's a "Real American" now? I AM,DAMMIT! No more stale, rotten left-over culture wars. The voters said we're done with that. Time to look toward the future.



On the mundane side, I love having a skinny intellectual president. That's a bonus.

McCain's very eloquent Speech came on the radio as I was driving home from teaching, through what was,until yesterday, staunchly Republican conservative territory (the home of shamed Rep. John ‘deep doo’ Doolittle). I totally lost it, and drove home with the windows open and horn honking, stopping several times to share the news with pedestrians at lights and bus stops. Tears of joy, there were actually tears everywhere.

BTW - that is the best speech I've heard from McCain in a long time. Sounds like he's already quit drinking the Kool-Aid. I am glad he has three years left in the Senate. I always liked him, but he seems to have fallen in with a bad crowd lately. Perhaps he'll dig deep and find his true self once again.

"My Dad’s comment last night was the best I heard. He and my Mom called my sister at 10pm after it was called for Obama, and he said 'If any of the people I knew in Virginia are still alive, they just died'.'

That'smy story and I'm sticking to it

Time for a Cheap laugh

This is too good not to share.


see famous look-a-like faces

Both these guys have been known to wave sticks around. Conincidence or conspiracy,you decide. Must be some kind of Stalinist plot.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Strange Forum for a Serious Message

'Don't Speak for me, Sarah Palin'

Singing hockey moms with Moose accompainists for Obama. Finally,there is a use for Andrew Lloyd Webber.





My favorite lyrics

"Don't speak for me Sarah palin
The truth is I do not like you"

'My kid plays hockey,
I wear lipstick,
but I still think You're a dipstick"

All Right Now Dammit, Team - The time to talk is about over,let's go out and win this one,Dammit. The world is depending on us, Dammit. We are, as the Cristoconservatives say, the city on the hill. That means everyone is watching and we have to do the right thing,Dammit. Choose hope over fear, choose life. Let those who drink the koolaid take their rightful place in the dustbin of history.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Rain, and Time to Complain about the Government

It rained last night! We haven’t seen more than a drizzle since January, which is unusual even for Sacramento. We usually expect to get less than ¼ inch of rain in total from May through September, but January and February are usually wet months. Although the official stats show rainfall under ¼ inch yesterday, it seemed like a deluge. It’s easy to get accustomed to life without rain.

We are forecast for rain on and off through Monday, with the most rain expected Saturday and Sunday (of course). Snow above 5,000 feet is expected for the Sierras.

Man O Manischewitz, the roads were slippery last night. There’s nothing like a little water sprinkled on none months worth of leaked oil to make driving more fun. I actually skidded away from a red light. The cop in the car in the next lane got a good laugh out of it. I could see him laughing in the light of the computer screen.

It looks like the rain will stop just in time for Election Day, so the water-soluble block will be well represented at the polls. As of late, I have more or less tuned out campaign news. At this point, IMHO, both candidates are sounding like fools. I hope the winner wises up after the election. The rhetoric of late brings out the small but present grain of old-fashioned conservatism from deep within the dark recesses of my mind. I hear both candidates promising they will make the economy sound; McCain promises he will bring the domestic automobile industry back to its former position of global dominance (Dude, WTF?),while Obama claims he will re-invigorate the economy by creating cool new industries like better energy. Last time I checked, presidents don’t run industries. For all our sakes, I hope these guys don’t believe the basura they are spewing. Maybe the rigors of the campaign trail have stressed them beyond the point of rationality.

My somewhat conservative tiny grain causes me to worry when people are willing to accept that he Government will make a great economy for us. I believe that Government has a vital role to play in solving the problems that we are facing these days. However, I do not believe that the Government can provide us (We The People, WTP) with solutions to the social and economic problems we need to face in the next several years. In my (admittedly warped) view of the world, I see Government as a lens that focuses the energies of the nation in constructive ways. I don’t see the Government producing prosperity through its programs and actions. Rather, I see Government as an agent that can, when enlightened, steer the ship in a way that WTP’s efforts contribute toward a desirable future.

I guess this means my universe doesn’t grant free lunches (hey, NFL = No Free Lunches, cool). In my gimlet eyes, the approaches currently in action and consideration for getting us out of this economic hole are like someone stuck in a hole digging deeper. I have a hard time believing that increasing debt is the best way to resolve a debt crisis, particularly when debt is used to spend money in a way that won’t directly impact the cause of our most immediate credit crisis, upside down mortgages, or increase productivity.

Now that I’ve given my opinion about what isn’t the right answer, I am sorry to admit I don’t have a better answer beyond the advice that starting another war and/or continuing our unimaginable level of military spending will probably not help.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Everything is All My Fault - A Distopic Near Future

I Promise to do my duty for My Country. This will not happen.
My Fellow Americans,please join me in my solemn oath.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

All This and Larry Flint,Too Aaarrrggghhhhhh!

Oh My Gayd, Oh My Gaud, Oh My Gaud!

The river of bullshit never stops. Especially on this blog.

The Script to Larry Flint’s soon-to-be-released Who’s Nailin Palin has surreptitiously found its way on to the internet. When I first saw this script, I had no idea what I was looking at.

Unfortunately, this appears to be more than the usual internet hoax. The Guardian is carrying the story as well. Limp Uncle Larry released a one minute preview, however Youtube has removed it. So sorry guys, this still is all you get to see for now.



I read a few pages of the script, and rest assured, it sucks, in every meaning of the word.

From looking at some other articles, I think a good rule to go by is to never piss off Larry Flint. Seriously, don’t even let your sleazy friends piss this guy off.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

The Lighter Side of Identity Politics

Baraech O'Bamaugh is the most Irish Presidential candidate since JFK! This musical explanation is a hoot!



That settles it for my family. K can identify with the Irishness,and I can still identify with the midwestern mom thing,not to mention the skinny thing.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Opie Talks About Hope & Courage

Ron Opie Tailer Richie Cunningham Howard is my new hero.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

I found the Andy and Opie segment has a message we don't hear clearly enough from our own so-called leaders, that the future belongs to the courageous.

Nations whose actions are guided by their highest aspirations will act to realize those aspirations. Those guided by fear are doomed to realize all they fear.

It's your choice. Choose Life, Choose Hope.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The New Star Trek Movie - Gotta Dish

This film is an epic voyage that will suck where no movie has sucked before.

Here's the evidence.



I can't put my finger on it,but something about this still tells me to wait until it is available on Netflix, buy a sixpack,and laugh our asses off while we create campy dialogue. Is it just me, or does Captain Kirk look like he walked off the set of American Idol?

Further, the Official Trailer tantalizes us with images of guys doing arc welds. Does using 1930s manual welding technology on the hull of a vessel that will soon travel faster than the speed of light really make sense? This is perhaps an indication of the amount of thought that went into this enterprize (get the pun,huh, huh?). What is it about Science Fiction movies that bring out the morons?

Speaking of Kap'n Kirk,check out this performance by Shatner,who appears to be taking up the role of the guy who never gets invited anywhere (like to appear in this movie). After listening to this, I think I know why.



Captain's log,Stardate 112408, That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Local Sports Pandering & Other Moronics

I am sick to the gills of the odor of donkey and elephant poo. Baseball is the only thing I've watched on the glass teat for a coupleof weaks, but I'm reaching my limit. The Nation Wide Chowderhead Density (NWCD)has gone far beyond the safety limits. Warning, this country is not safe to operate under current conditions.

John Stuart did this great bit about the lowest of the low - both canpaigns are pandering to local sports fans. They all say GO PHILLIES, GO RAYS. I say,

Why don't you all GO FISHING and leave the rest of us alone

.




On an unrelated note, I must confess that my complete,100% antagonism topward Gov Palin has been shaken. I have fallen to the depths of identity politics. Turns out both of us are crappy woodwind players! Watch Sarah play Come-to-Jesus-in-halfnotes, complete with crappy intonation. WARNING - do not view the following video on an empty stomach.



That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. GO (insert local team name here)!!!!!!

The Consistent Wisdom of Experience

Another example John McCain's brilliant and experienced insight.



Do as I say,not as I do,sez the Senator. Better yet,sign on a peabrained hottie to do it for you.

That's my stroy and I'm sticking to it.

Foreigners are Taking Jobs From Americans

Right here in Sacramento! I have proof!


see Sarah Palin pictures

Staying at the Parents

If psychological regression is your thing, nothng's better better than a solo visit to your parents. It'll take thirty years off your emotional maturity in the wink of a teenage zit encrusted eye.

Anyway, Madison seems to be doing quite well without my presence. The parents live a couple of blocks from the house I owned here in the eighties. The house looks great, the new owners have added a new roof and done a great paint Job.

When I visit, I try to take a long walk at Picnic point every weekday morning. The fall colors are showing right now, so I picked the right time to visit. This link is a cool view of the area: http://lakeshorepreserve.wisc.edu/imap/LakeshoreNaturePreserve.html

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A Message to Wall Street

Sometimes brevity is wisdom.




That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The Great Schlep

Well, it turns out my upcoming visit with the parents is aligned with a great political event. This video cracked me up. It's well worth watching.



Here's my response:

Oy vey,

Such a girl, a real sheyne, as pretty as any shiksa out there, then, oy gevalt, she opens up such a mouth on her, like some kind of gonnif! Such a foul mouth gets my schpilkus worked up. (Have I told you how my schpilkus is lately? Could be better, Oy, it should happen to that Iranian momzer,calls himself President, and forgets to use his necktie, such a Schlemeel!)

The Good Lord bless her loving Bubby and Zeda, she is not such a good girl making threats for her Bubby and Zeda.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Not to worry,I'll just sit here in the dark.

Now I Understand It

It was The Illuminati all along. Here's the proof.






That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Gimme a trillion dollars now,dammit!

Welcome to October

What better way to start the month of all hallows than an interview with India's Monkey Man.





Nothing captures the halloween spirit better than a guy crawling around in orange shorts,with a mask and tail. I bet he'd scare even more monkeys if someone bought him a Darth Cheney mask.