Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

Double Vision's gotta hold of me.

Just like Foreigner, that 70's rock nightmare has found me again.

'Ooh, double vision, I need my double vision
It takes me out of my head, takin me out of my head
I get my double vision, oh, seeing double double
Oh, I have double vision, yeah, Im getting double vision...'

I started seeing double on Friday. I went to an optometrist first, who kindly adjusted my glasses, and then told me the glasses weren't the problem, and that I absolutely had to see a doctor right away. Nice.

The doctor sent me to the ER, fortunately I got in and out by about 8:00 PM, so I missed the ER weekend night pandemonium. That's a quick $4,000 or $5,000 down the drain. Had a CAT scan, seemed to prove for once and for all that I do have a brain,and no visible damage from stroke,no deadly brain tumors,no old guys gathering wool in there. Blood tests ruled out all the scary causes of this embarrassing and inconvenient business.

This deal (sixth cranial nerve palsy)normally sorts itself out within a couple or three months. Right now,I am trying to figure out how to function. I see pretty well most of the time, but I can't read with both eyes open. When I drive, I just close the affected eye when things get weird. I'm using a rather jaunty Long John Silver style eye patch for reading, which I can't do with both eyes open. My students should get a real kick out of that next week. This is really stupid.

I was actually relieved, since a couple of years ago, my band's alto sax player showed up at Kaiser's Ophthalmologist with similar symptoms, was sent to the ER for tests that showed a brain tumor,and he died a couple of months later. For once, I am not the complicated patient.

I'll see an ophthalmologist as soon as I can,following the ER doctor's directions. Then it'll be wait for the weak eye to get back to work.

This is like having the worst part of being drunk (OK,maybe the worst besides puking) with none of the fun.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.