Subway Succumbs to Geometic Sense

After years of a viral internet campaign, Subway has finally relented in their bassackwards and wasteful refusal to abide by the global truth that is Euclidian Geometry (and, in this case M. C. Escher's best trick).

Subway has issued a directive to its franchisees that, as of July first 2010, all isosceles triangle shaped cheese slice must be laid on the sandwich so the cheese slices tessellate. In plain English, that means Subway franchises will need to put the cheese on a sandwich so that the entire sandwich will be evenly covered with cheese.

Gawker.com provided an image of the order sent by SSA (Subway's Standards Archives?)to all franchises.



The illustrations really capture the idiocy of not tessellating in the first place. Gawker captures the importance of this change: "You will measure your life before and after this moment."

Just for the record, I have eaten at Subway, and I think they all absolutely suck. I had subway with a bunch of jugglers at a festival in Columbia, MO. I had no choice, everybody was ordering and one guy volunteered to drive out and pick everything up. I cannot recall ever eating anything mushier and less flavorful. They even seemed bland and lifeless surrounded by Columbia Missouri. Their sandwiches bring back memories of the school lunchroom, where I pitied kids whose Northern European culture stream compelled their parents to send them to school with bologna sandwiches on Wonder Bread, with no mustard. I pitied da fools.

If you must do chain subs, fortunately there are acceptable submarine sandwich chains around. Togos here in California, and Cousins in Wisconsin.

However, given the choice, I will always pay the couple of bucks extra and get the roast beef sam'wich at Sam's Hofbrau. If you really want to go crazy,you can pop for one of the $8 or $9 meat-and potatoes dinners. the turkey leg and stuffing for $5 is also one of my favorites,but they don't always have it. I always feel young when i go to Sam's, 'cause the average customer age must be near 70.

Be careful not to confuse this with the Sam's Hofbrau is Los Angeles. The LA joint claims to be "The only topless strip club in downtown LA". You've been warned.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it, even though I can't stick to one subject per blog post.