And Now, for Something Completely Different

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

That's my (Plagarized) story, and I'm sticking to it. Stolen from: http://radioactivequill.blogspot.com

Nearly Bored of the Rings

The Return of The King computer game is now available at used game stores. The $10 price sucked me in. The game is very cool looking, with lots of clips from the movie. The game itself is pretty much about sword fighting with orcs, running around, and killing more orcs. I got through the first level pretty easily, but can’t seem to pass another level. Time to face the facts; I suck at gaming. I bet this would be a great game if I could play through a level in a couple or three attempts. Maybe I’ll try it a couple of more times before I give up completely. I know the problem isn’t the PC keyboard controls, because I have tried to play games with controllers, and I stink at that too. A really frustrating aspect of the game is that you can save your progress only at the end of a pretty long segment (the entire game consists of about 15 segments). How many fictional characters will die needlessly before I figure out it is hopeless?

I watched the World Juggling Federation competitions on ESPN yesterday. These guys (they were all guys) want to do a sports competition with juggling. What a bunch of highly talented idiots! They had a scoring system as complex as gymnastics, Pen Gillette (from Penn & Teller) as the sports announcer, and no sponsor except Jason Garfield’s “how to be a great juggler” videos. Jason is the producer of the event. Jason wasn’t selling his previous video, “Juggling Kung Fu Master”, which I thought was at least entertaining. Juggling as competition in really dull, even though it is amazing to see guys doing tricks with seven balls or eight rings. However, with their emphasis on athletic prowess over entertainment and showmanship, it looks like a guy throwing and catching a bunch of stuff really fast. Ho hum. Note, please do not expect me to juggle more than four of anything.

Went to MIL’s house to watch Monk last night. I really love that show. 4 stars. However sometimes it is disturbing that Monk’s obsessive compulsive behavior reminds me of so many people I know.

A sunny day in Sacramento! Sunny days in winter here are perfect, except the ground feels like a sponge. I sink in if I step on the lawn. We had lunch at Plaza Hoffbrau (the Hoffbrau formerly known as Sam’s). I love that place, and their famous roast beef “samwiches”. It feels like someone took a small piece of Milwaukee and dropped it in Sacramento. That place is such an institution that people in Sacramento call cafeteria style service Hoffbrau service. The walls are covered with old photos. I found a photo of a men’s brunch group in the early 1960s including the then mayor, several county supervisors, and the old patriarch of one of the MIL’s long-time neighbors. Although it looks like LA now, Sacramento was a small town in recent memory.

I am still enjoying work. Every day, I am more and more amazed, entertained and baffled by the weirdness of teenagers. Had one girl last week who sat down and commenced to honest to goodness crying out loud bawling. We couldn’t do anything to help her, so we sent her home to return for a make-up session. The latest fashion appears to be wearing black hooded sweatshirts indoors, with the hood pulled up over the head. Several of the kids don’t say anything, and several never shut up. Earrings are about equally divided among boys and girls. Last week, I commented that someone’s earrings looked like corkscrews. She came in this week without earrings. I was surprised that she would care what I think, however maybe she just forgot to put on earrings. I guess since I am not a parent, they might occasionally listen.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Get A Life, Like Mark Trail

Mark Trail is in big trouble today.

The seemingly unharmful Birdy has knocked Mark out with a bottle, trying to protect her drug dealing husband. He smuggles cocaine inside his taxidermy fish trophies They plan to dump the body in the bay! I can’t figure out why Mark didn’t just call the cops. He is such a Yenta, he has to mind everybody’s business.

If I had a life, I don’t think I would care about this.

At It Again

First they came for Tinky Winky, but I was not Tinky Winky, so I said nothing. Then they came for Sponge Bob. . .

Brief Encounter - He Followed me Home

While driving down my street, I saw a suspicious character nosing around the neighbors’ houses. Being a good neighbor, I stopped to check him out. As soon as I opened the car door, he walked over and licked my hand, and wagged his tail. This was the start of whirlwind romance.

He was gorgeous Samoyed, about 7 years old. I called county animal control with his license number, but they claimed the number was not valid. We walked around the neighborhood for a couple of hours trying to find his home, with no luck. He is a very sweet dog, the kind of dog a kid would dream of having. He followed me everywhere. I named him Ellisar and we fell in love. He knew all the commands, although he is a little weak on “heal”.

We brought him inside, using interior doors to keep Elisar and Evita, our resident cat, apart. Evita is never very pleased to see another four legged member of the household. We locked Ellisar in the kitchen and den, where he did alright until his loneliness made him howl at 2:00 AM. Kathleen allowed him into the living room and slept on the couch so Ellisar wouldn't be lonely. Ellisar is one of those dogs with “separation issues”; he can’t stand being separated from people. He tried to squeeze on the couch with Kathleen, but after much hand licking by him and persuasion by Kathleen, he settled for the loveseat. He was too pampered to consider sleeping on the floor.

Kathleen called the county again in the morning, this time they were able to locate the dog’s owners from the license number. She called the owners and we walked Ellisar back home. They call him Billy, how dull. I am so relieved we were able to find his owners, since I had bonded with Ellisar to the degree that I would not ever want to surrender him to the SPCA or the county. Evita was relieved to see Ellisar leave. She is now firm in her role as four-legged queen of the house. The next night, I dreamed about finding dogs and dreamed about what life would have been like with Ellisar as our best friend.

Sunday in the Sierras

We had a new and different experience yesterday. Our Friends needed to go up to their cabin in Soda Springs near Donner Pass to prepare for some winter guests. We came along to help and share the experience. There’s a lot of snow up there. More than I have ever seen before, about 8 feet where it isn’t drifted. We carved the snowdrift in front of the house to make a staircase to the second story balcony. This is the first time I have spent much time outside in the mountains in the winter.

Just getting ready for the trip brought back memories of life in Wisconsin, gathering heavy wool socks, stretching a waffle-weave underwear shirt over my head, lacing on clunky boots, with a parka over everything. I came quickly to realize that I do not miss cold weather.

The drive up Interstate 80 was fine, and the snow cover started at elevation of about 4,000 feet. By the time we got to Soda Springs, the road felt like a canyon with high walls of snow on either side. Driving the last couple of miles on more narrow local roads was even more shockingly canyon-like. The roads were filled with dopey weekend skiing types, since this is the neighborhood of Heavenly, Sugar Bowl, Squaw (now renamed Olympic) Valley, basically the Sierra ski scene that doesn’t border Lake Tahoe, which lies about 20 treacherous iles away.

The actual shoveling work was pretty easy, since the snow made a nice and even slope to the balcony all on its own, we just needed to do a little leveling.

Looking around at all this snow covered terrain made me think: I really like the mountains better after the snow melts, mountains are threatening enough in the summer. Winter in the sierras is just too threatening, with the exception of the clear-cut ski areas, which are a part of the outdoors in the same manner as is Disney World. Any uncrowded trail leads to dangers of avalanche and other snow-related calamities. The ski areas are a lot like outdoor shopping malls, except the shoppers are more polite than skiers. Downhill skiers come to consume the outdoors, rather than to enjoy one of the most beautiful settings on this planet. They also make big traffic jams on Sunday nights. Thank heavens they are somewhere else all summer.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Let's Get to the Point Here

Got a cold today, feeling pretty sick, not much to do. Today's entry is some of everything.

I had more students yesterday, and teaching was fun. I can verify that I found absolutely no evidence of weapons of mass destruction in the classroom or on the students’ persons. In addition, I refrained from torturing students, although certain acceptable methods of persuasion were necessary to extract needed information (e.g., determine the length of the third side of this triangle). Given the vital and timely nature of this needed information, I did use forceful persuasion. It's OK, since no student suffered major organ failure (yet).

The kids all behaved and I got to hear all sorts of gossip from several local high schools. Man oh man, discipline at parochial schools around here sounds pretty strict. It’s not too hard to get expelled from Christian Brothers. One of my students won a jacket as a prize in an internet PC gaming tournament. What in the world can I teach a kid like that?

Local political wire – I am disappointed in our own recently departed Congressman Robert Matsui. His widow is now running for his seat in Congress. He ran in last November’s election with full knowledge of his terminal condition. Therefore, it seems he ran solely so his wife could inherit his seat. Since when are congressional seats considered community property? I hate to say it, but I hope the local Republicans come up with a surprise candidate who wins this seat. That is not so far out in left field, since Ms Matsui has some stain on her hands from questionable fund raising activities while she worked for the Clinton administration. Remember the Chinese monks scandle, that’s our girl!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

There's a Place in France. . .

There’s a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants.

This little tune, also associated with cartoon snake charmers keeps coming back up since I heard a radio blurb on the origin of the tune.

These words keep on coming to my mind:

There’s a place on Mars
Where iguanas play guitars

This image haunts me, twang twang.

Finally, I am looking forward to a few days without rain, just morning fog followed by sunshine. I am enrolling with another tutoring program. This program features independent contracting, and hopefully higher pay, although I will have to travel to the students. My next scheduled tutoring is tomorrow, with three 90 minute sessions back to back from 3:30 to 8:00 PM. I am a proletariat for one day a week.

I am working my way through a sinus cold, yuk. No more to say about that except I like Nyquill.

. . . . Newsline Interzone. . . .

Anyone out there remember Naked Lunch. Is it just me or does occupied Iraq look a lot like Bill Burrough’s Interzone? Sex abuse and manufactured criminal threats to society, what more could you want? A word for the wise, stay away from the limestone caves.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Shame on Congress

Guts, it’s all about guts. Yesterday in Washington we witnessed two displays of gutlessness, with the exception of Representative Tubbs, our Barbara Boxer, and too few others.

The challenge to the joint confirmation of the electors’ ballots. Everybody knows a challenge will not change the outcome of the Federal election. Why not stand up to assure that We, The People are not subject to the threat of voter intimidation? If there are questions about intimidation, lets get them in the sunlight, and figure out how to allow We the People to exercise our right to vote. Shame on Congress.

Senate hearings Re: Albert Gonzales. Let’s challenge his memoranda that prevaricate and apply sick, tangled logic to make a case that torture is OK. Do you think his testimony might be more candid if we tied him to a board and dunked him? Alright, that’s going too far, but geezopete, the senate needs the truth. How about at least willingness to question in a provocative measure. Words I would like to hear:”Mr Gonzales, the memorandum I hold in my hand, signed by you on. . . states . . Please further explain these findings to the American people.” C’mon Democrats, how hard is that? What are you afraid of. Whatever intimidates you, your cowardice scares the living daylights out of me.

Remember George Wallace said there’s not “ a dimes worth of difference between Republicans and Democrats”? Please do something to prove him wrong.

It's All About Me, Me, Me

It’s time to catch up with news about me from the New Year. After all, it’s all about me.

Readers, if you are looking for my thoughtful and insightful political commentary, look at Jesus and Jobs in this blog. For those who understand that what happens to me is what’s most important in this world, read on.

My dad got through his heart surgery over the holidays. He is home and resting. This was really scary. In my next incarnation, I want to live free from sickness, like the Elves in Lord of the Rings. However, I would probably be the butt-ugliest elf of them all. Maybe I could be called Uglibastard. I’ve been doing OK myself, but I don’t know if I will ever reach 100%. I still always have a stomachache. Enough complaining.

I have my first math tutoring classes on Thursday. I have classes from 3:30 to 8:00 PM. Three classes of 90 minutes each. I spent some time reviewing High School textbooks. Thrilling. I think I have it all solid except I didn’t bother memorizing all the trig identities and the general formulas for conic sections. Geometry was the most fun review, the other stuff was a drag. Trigonometry is no longer a separate course, and what was called College Algebra or Algebra 2 is now called pre-calculus. I wouldn’t have chosen that name.

Kathleen is back at work at the City. She claims she killed the computer today. Their system dies almost weekly, it is like a lottery to find out who’s application I guess Kathleen won this week. Their next holiday is ML King’s birthday in January. They get President’s day in February, followed by Cesar Chavez’s birthday in March. I suggested they should also get Eamon DeValera’s (Ireland’s first president) birthday on October 14. We’ll see, but for now, I will boycott all States that do not this recognize this holiday.

It’s still raining here in Sacramento, time to build an ark.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Best Holiday SItes

Better late than never, I have finished my pick of top holiday sights.

Xmas resistance – http://www.xmasresistance.org/ The name says it all. This site is published by the renowned cartoonist Nina Paley. You can get cool stickers for next year. Think of it as an early start for next years shopping.

Santarchy – http://www.santarchy.com/ Yuletide anarchy perpetrated worldwide by street soldiers in santa suits. Sign me up for this revolution. Every time I look at this site I want to wear red and break things. Don’t miss the San Francisco police report (up against the wall, fascist scrooges). Read early and often, before our heroic department of Reich purity oops, I mean Homeland Security protects us from this international terrorist plot. I can hardly wait for the photos of Santa prisoner abuse to leak.

Earn $$$$ Just by Surfing the Net

I promise this is not another get-rich-quick scheme. I have personally made thousands of dollars per month for several years using this simple promotion.

Keys to professional internet surfing success:

Get an office job.

Make sure no one understands what you do. Choose an office that fancies itself to be technically advanced but isn’t.

Choose an incompetent boss. There is no shortage of these valuable assets.

Get a reputation for being loyal to your boss. The boss will never notice that you don’t have any responsibilities.

Complain about being overworked, just to make sure no one catches on.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Hippie New Age Computer Game, I'm Sold

Now, let’s talk about something else. I have been playing a great computer game called Journey to the Wild Devine http://www.wilddivine.com .Rather than killing mutants and freaks, you open doors or initiate other actions I the game by attaining a desired mind energy state, either slowing down by meditation, increasing energy, or balancing energy at a targeted level. The game has very cool graphics. The game uses a biofeedback sensor that plugs in to the mouse port and clips on three fingers to measure pulse and some other response, similar to a lie detector machine. The music and graphics are unbelievable! I really enjoyed this game. Two caveats; (1) the game gets pretty new-age at times, throwing an incomprehensible mix of several Asian philosophies at the player, and (2) ) the game is expensive, since it includes the biofeedback tool.


The in-laws left this morning. It seems so quiet at my mother-in-law’s house. She is a regular and appreciated part of my life, living about a mile from us. I am so rarely fortunate to have a MIL so close who really isn’t a pain at all. Anyway, life slowly moves back to normal this week. Back to rainy winter weather too, but not much fog.

We are finally nearing the end of the Christmas dinner leftovers, and not a moment too soon. I feel as stuffed as the turkey.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Christmas & Cancer Therapy ain't all it's Cracked up to Be

I survived Christmas. With the exception of a few extra pounds, no permanent harm was done. Lots of in-laws came to Sacramento, no fights, and tons of good food. My turkey received rave reviews. I have really enjoyed this season, since I am finally able to enjoy food again. Maybe I enjoyed a little too much. I even ate salad and some popcorn without negative consequences! This was a modest present Christmas, with mostly presents for the kids. I wish it could always be this way. However, I got one of those high-tech corkscrews that lifts a cork in about 5 seconds, including cutting the foil on the bottle.

On other fronts, my dad in Madison had to have open heart surgery on the 24th. He was released from the ICU today. The surgery was done to remove some tissues near the heart which were damaged from cancer radiation therapy several years ago. The radiation caused some tissues to harden and impair the heart's function. The moral of the story: Cancer therapy ain't all it's cracked up to be.

I saw (against my will) the TV musical remake of A Christmas Carol, starring Kelsey Grammar. Thumbs down, one and a half stars. The next night caught about an hour of The Sound of Music. Still gets two thumbs up and 4 stars in my book.

Well I have spent almost all the time since my last posting with relatives. In compliance with my self-imposed no dissing anyone who might read this blog rule, that's all I have to report for now.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Nicked from the Narthex

A dark and foggy night in Sacramento. An apparently innocent choir concert at a Catholic church in Sacramento’s south side. My job, sell tickets, sell CDs, watch the money watch the CDs, listen to the concert. Pretty cushy gig, so I thought.

Sold some tickets, the concert started. I gathered the cash boxes and sat in the back row pew of the church to get hip to the traditional Catholic church music groove that only Schola Cantorum (www.scholacantorum.com) can bring. Those cats in black are the word in Gregorian hip. I left the unsold CDs displayed on tables in the narthex(church lobby), so that I could lay them on the grooving audience as they leave after the concert. The pews are separated from the narthex by a wall with several transparent glass doors. Everything was coming up roses.

During the concert, some folks left between songs. I guess they were either overfilled with the spirit or just didn’t dig it enough to stay. One couple, while leaving in the middle of a song, stopped to look at the CDs for a few seconds, and then the male member picked up a CD and walked out. In this case, I do mean male member.

I watched this from the pew, through the glass doors. Totally fell out of the Schola groove. I had to make a quick decision: I could (1) Run out and chop block the guy and wrestle the CD from his grasping kleptomaniac claws, or (2) run out and yell at the at the thief, “hey you piece of &^$#, give me back my CD, or (3) calmly follow the scum outside, and and ask if he would like some noodles or canned corn from the food pantry donations, or (4) do nothing.

Options (1) and (3) would likely end with me getting punched, and option(2) would sound bad on the concert recording. So, Option (4) was my path. Besides, I wasn't sold on having a punchfest in a church.

Had fun telling the schola-ites my story after the concert, and it’s fun writing this account. Well worth the cost of someone else’s CD.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Sign an Email Petition for Leilaa

Leilaa is a young woman in Iran facing capital punishment for dubiouos reasons at best. You can sign the following e-petition asking the Iran Government to abide by the U N Convention on Human Rights. Hey, since we can't get our gummint to abide, maybe we can convince someone else.

http://www.petitiononline.com/leilaa/petition.html

Remember, when Bob Dylan sang "Everybody must get Stoned", he certainly wasn't thinking about Leilaa.

Handmaids and Crosswords

Another Sunday, another crossword puzzle done. One of the gains I have made for being so sick is in crossword solving ability. The dork lord’s power remains. I don’t want to start Sunday going until I finish the NY Times crosswords. This works out, since Kathleen’s choir sings on Sunday AM. Dork to the power of 2?

I survived a dinner with my in-law’s in-laws (in-laws squared?). I actually had a pretty good time, and driving home in the fog was a fun small adventure, especially with my petrified mother-in-law in the passenger seat. Lately it’s been foggy except from about 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM.

I just finished “The Handmaid’s Tale”. It is an excellent book, but closer to our reality than I am comfortable with, and a great story line as well. BTW, Atwood kicks my but when it comes to sentence structure. A short excerpt from Chapter 28: “. . . They blamed it on the Islamic Fanatics. Keep calm, they said on television. Everything is under control. . . . That was when they suspended the Constitution; they said it would be temporary.”

This was written in 1986. I know it is said life imitates art, but why does life have to imitate dystopic science fiction? Ouch.

BTW - I liked this blog about living in Iraq: http://healingiraq.blogspot.com/


That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Last Week's Band Concert

The audience said we were great, but then again, most of the audience is related to someone in the band. I’m pretty sure everyone had a good time. With a quick look at the concert program credits, I learned that I am the band’s Stage Manager. All I did was count the needed chairs and stands, and came early enough to make sure everything got there on time. Ordering everyone around is easier for me than lifting things. My abdominal muscles aren’t completely healed yet, and otherwise I am a pint-sized wimp. If any of you music freaks out there ask, I will post the program. The best pieces were by Percy Grainger, Morton Gould, and Henry Fillmore.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Yule be home for XMas (b-ding)

Here comes the holidays! We need to be social all weekend, and probably most of next week. It never feels like winter here, with high temperatures in the 50s and 60s, it feels like a long spring. Yuletide season always catches me off guard. Starting tomorrow, we have a week of in-laws in town. Fortunately, we don’t have a big or intricate gift exchange going with the relatives here. We do have several family dinners over the next week or so. When I had a cast-iron stomach, I dealt with these events by trying to eat myself to death. Now I can’t do that, so I guess I’ll have to talk more with everyone.

In addition to all this, my father in Madison, WI has been in and out of the hospital the last couple of weeks, with scary heart-related problems that the doctors haven’t yet been able to diagnose. Both my mom and dad are getting understandably frustrated and tired of all this. Maybe the test they did today will be the one that finally tells the story.


That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

All Bow to the Dork Lord

I got a job starting January tutoring kids in High School Math! Doesn’t look like lots of hours or money, but it’s a start. I’ll be tutoring at a private center called Math Masters. I sat in on two sessions when I interviewed, I think the center is good for the students, and I think it will be fun for me. I will also work with an agency to get some direct private students, which will pay a little more. This sounds like a lot more fun than going back to Blue Shield, but I won’t get to raise anyone’s health insurance premiums. I am really happy that I feel well enough to do this, and happy that I will get a chance to do this, something I wouldn’t likely have done if I hadn’t gotten sick and left Blue Shield, AKA Blue Funk.



I just finished watching Return of the King, Special Extended Version . This one definitely rates TWO THUMBS UP! Several of the scenes added for the DVD are great, several of them are scenes from the books I really missed in the theatrical release. The scenes add continuity, some humor, character development, and some excellent additional gothic horror. Loved it.

Hmmmmm. . .Let’s see what I am up to here. . .

Writing to my Blog about
Being a math tutor
And Lord of the Rings

Just call me dweeb boy, lord of the dork realms.

That's my story, and I’m sticking to it.